Boundaries Make For Better Holidays - Part 2!
Last e-newsletter I talked about ways to say "no" without having to lie. This time I have decided to focus on another area where I have issues following my own advice.
Ask for help!
Ok this is another tough one, but probably easier than saying "no". This requires that when we do accept invitations to programs, parties, etc., we actually ask other people to help us out with things like picking up mom, dad, Aunt Sally, any older adult in the family who may need a lift to the function. I know this may seem like a strange concept for some of you so let me give you some examples to help you as you work on your boundary challenges.
* Call your siblings and say something like..."Hey Joe looking forward to seeing you at Katie's house for Thanksgiving! Would you like to drive Mom or Aunt Sally?" If you didn't figure it out, this is an either/or question not a yes or no! He has to pick someone.
* Let's say that there is only one family member that needs to be driven to the event then my suggestion would be..."Hey Joe looking forward to seeing you at Katie's house for Thanksgiving! Would you like to drive Mom or bring the vegetable tray and sodas?" Don't get annoyed if they choose to bring the food items it has still taken something off of your "To Do" list! Also, if they choose to bring the food item, don't feel guilty and pick up some extra food to bring anyway because all you are showing up with is Mom! (I know that there are some of you out there that would do this!)
Another idea, if your loved one needs to be picked up and it is really out of the way for everyone, set up transportation! I'm sure some of you are thinking - what kind of cold hearted person are you that you would have my elderly family members take a taxi or bus to a family party on a holiday?! Answer: I am the queen of driving hundreds of miles to pick up people to drive them around and then having to either leave before I want to or after I would have wanted to. Been there, done that! Never enjoyed it.
o Check into senior transportation services around the area to see if they have programs for holidays
o Look for senior friendly taxi services (ones that will help them in and out of their home and carry any packages for them). You can find this information out from your local area agency on aging.
This is not a selfish thing! Family dynamics either make us want to spend more time with our loved ones during the holidays because we don't get to see them a lot the rest of the year, or make us want to set a timer for when we can go home without feeling like we ate and ran! Let that idea go! It is not selfish to want to stay or go when you want to. Plus then your elderly loved one can stay or go as they please without feeling guilty that they made you leave when you didn't want to.
Remember these are only suggestions. You can take them or leave them, just don't shoot the messenger! My purpose in sending these tips is to assist you in finding some creative ways to set boundaries and actually enjoy the holidays!
Have a wonderful day and remember whatever you choose to do today, do it with a SMILE!
Wishing you patience, love and compassion,
Sue Salach
Author
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